Blog

BELIEFS AND VALUES

Beliefs systems are the key to your success or failure

From beliefs come behaviors. So a wrong belief can lead to wrong behaviors & decisions.

Personal example. I had (and it can still come up) a belief that I could never do enough or be good enough. This false belief would drive me to burn myself out, neglect important people, my life and to carry guilt, shame, and self-condemnation. At first, I thought it was because I wasn’t disciplined enough (false belief) so I would add more on myself to fix this issue. But it wouldn’t last or it would add to my belief that I wasn’t doing enough. It was a vicious cycle. Now I have gained freedom in that area by changing my belief. I work from love and not for it. I operate from victory, not for it. My belief has changed, therefore my behavior changed. Just trying to change your behavior won’t usually last unless the root reason or wrong belief is dealt with.

Beliefs are assumptions that we have made about ourselves, others & the world around us. Beliefs become our rules – our expectations. Beliefs are also are things that we need in order for us to feel a certain way, whether it’s loved, happy, successful etc.  Let’s say there is a mother that has a belief that if she’s a good mother then her children will always behave a certain way. But the reality is, kids are not always going to behave that certain way. These beliefs are usually not based on reality but rather our past experience, or something we learned when we were growing up. You can imagine how this false belief can affect the mother and even her children.

Beliefs are rules, but values are emotional states that you think are important to either experience or avoid. They are states that we either want to move towards or away from. If I ask you “what do you value?” You my might say your spouse, your children, your house, or your car but actually, what you value are the feelings that those things bring you.

For example, if you value your family, it’s really the feeling of security and love. If you value your car it’s the feeling of adventure, freedom, protection, or status.

The things we value are actually behind these objects or people.

When values & beliefs don’t agree it will cause unrest in your life.

If you value the connection with your family when you get home from work but you have a belief that you must work 60 hours in order to be successful, this will cause a conflict either way.

Don’t just think your beliefs & values are right, you must be brutally honest with yourself. Oprah for example.. She is a very successful woman who helps a lot of people in the process. Yet in an interview she said that she won’t “feel” successful until she is totally comfortable with who she is. Oprah was abandoned by her parents when she was younger and was sexually assaulted so this belief she has is setting her up for unrest. If those beliefs and values are not changed, she could go her whole life never feeling “okay” with herself.

Questions:

What are beliefs?
How do beliefs affect our lives? (good and bad)

Application:

Beliefs and values affect our quality of life and they can be changed. Write down at least two areas in which your values and beliefs are not in agreement.

Richard Martinez

Transformation Expert